(Sunday Paper, Year IV, Issue 46)

Full disclosure: This is not one of the recent rejections. This is from February, 2016.

I don’t think I’ve ever really handled disappointment well.

I don’t think it’s an ego thing - I think it’s an optimism thing.

I go into every situation full of hope:

The Mets are going to win the World Series! (Way more often than not…they don’t.)

The Jets are going to win the Super Bowl! (Nope.) The Jets are going to make the playoffs! (Nope.) The Jets are going to win this game! (Eh. Maybe.)

But those are the more global things…there are certainly more personal things, which is what I meant about the ego piece getting involved.

I’m totally going to get this piece published! (Nope.)

So it’s sometimes hard to deal with all of the disappointment I’ve set myself up for in this working life I’ve chosen.

I debated whether or not I should write about this. I don’t want to bring people down.

Usually I have the Sunday Paper all set to go by Friday night. But here it is Saturday afternoon and I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not I want to share what I’ve been thinking about and going through this week.

But maybe someone reads it and feels better about themselves for something and it’s worth writing.

So here we go.

I’ve had a rough week.

I can’t pin down exactly why. There have been a few factors, I think.

One is the fact that I do enjoy the Exhibit ‘A’ shows so much that there’s a letdown after they happen. So if something else adds to that letdown…it can be a lot.

This week something else added to the letdown: Last week I told you I had written something that probably wouldn’t end up being accepted for publication. And while I haven’t heard ‘no’…I haven’t heard anything. That’s usually as good as a ‘no.’

And then on top of all that there’s a little uncertainty about a work situation…and I am a concrete kind of person. I do'n’t like uncertainty.

I’m not looking for sympathy. I know with my writing I’m going to hear ‘no’ more often than ‘yes.’ (Similar to comedy…but that doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to. I am much more confident when I take the stage that people are going to laugh…and even when it’s a situation where I get less in the way of laughter - hosting, for example - the fact that people keep coming back to the show is confidence-building enough for me that I don’t worry about it.)

Anyway, I’m not looking for sympathy…maybe I’m just looking to explain myself. Because I wallow a bit in disappointment. I get angry. And I shouldn’t. I’m working on that.

Often when I get down about something I try to make others feel better. That’s when I work on booking my show. (The worst thing that happens is that someone says ‘no’ while I’m feeling badly and it can’t get worse. Usually, people respond positively and that helps me feel better.)

I also try to control how I’m feeling. I know that things come in waves - I ned to keep trying until I get a ‘yes’ - or more than one ‘yes.’

The letdown from a good show usually goes away if I get out to other shows consistently.

I can take away the uncertainty of one job by throwing myself into my other work and becoming more certain about those jobs.

And sometimes, I think, on a Saturday afternoon quickly turning into a Saturday evening, it helps to write about it.

Writing

*Spent a lot of time this week checking my e-mail and getting nothing…just like the old days! (This is very much what I did the first year of freelancing. Rather than constantly writing I would write, submit, and wait. Write, submit, and wait. Not a healthy approach.)

Comedy

*Kathy’s away for a few days this week, so I won’t get out much except for sneaking in a set Wednesday night in Easton at Shoveltown Brewery. It’s my first brewery show somewhere else since I’ve started at Exhibit ‘A’, so that will be a new experience.

What I’ve Been Enjoying

*We’re going on six years now (I know this because I first tried it as a ‘New Thing in 2013’), and my favorite drink is back at Starbucks. Once Starbucks breaks out those holiday drinks I am all over the Caramel Brûlée Lattes. It is, in my opinion, by far the best Starbucks drink, and since it’s only available for the next couple of months, I take advantage of it and drink it as much as possible before it goes away. I don’t go nuts for Starbucks most of the time - once a month, maybe?…but the Caramel Brûlée Latte gets me there at least once a week during November and December. (I went Friday and Saturday this week.)

Thoughts on Dog Ownership

*I have spent countless minutes since we got Tate worrying about how she’s going to do around a Christmas tree. Now that we’re on the cusp of Christmas season….well, I think about it even more. I think we might have a plan, but we won’t know it will work until we put it in place and see her reaction.

Notes

*Here’s another bit of disappointment from the past week…though there’s still a glimmer of hope, I guess: For those of you who read last week’s Sunday Paper, I was selected for the Team Framingham Boston Marathon lottery….except I was 10th on the waitlist, the last spot on the waitlist. The lottery was 70 people deep, and they selected 22 runners and 10 alternates. So in a way, it’s exciting that my name was selected…but it was probably selected 5 to 10 numbers too late.

*I don’t think they go more than a couple of people deep on the waitlist year to year, but I will probably do some runs with the team, which technically I’m a part of right now, and see how that progresses over the next few months. You never know, right?

*I did run a couple of times this week - here’s my interesting observations: 40 degrees seems to be a good running temperature for me. On Monday I ended up running about 4 miles (maybe a little more?) in not-sunny but not frigid temperatures…and I felt great. I felt like I could have gone four more miles easily, I just didn’t have the time. Then on Friday I ran three, and I ran harder because I knew I had a shorter running window…but I definitely didn’t feel as good. My conclusion: I hadn’t eaten well on Friday before I ran. I think there’s so much that goes into good running - strong legs, building up the stamina, and making sure you’re fueling your body correctly. I didn’t do that third thing well enough on Friday, I don’t think.

*If you’d like to Follow me on Twitter, you can do that by clicking here. If you’d like to Like my Facebook page, you can do that here.

*I feel like I should update you on the raking situation, since I spend so much time talking and thinking about it: the big tree next door is still pretty leafy, but with the deep cold weather we’ve had the past couple of weeks it seems to be dropping leaves at a faster pace than usual. Will it be bare by the end of leaf collection a week from Monday? No. No chance. I will have leaves in my driveway well into December. But it feels like we’re accomplishing something when I rake, at least.

*Don’t let the content of this Sunday Paper throw you. I will not misinterpret your “Like” on the Facebook page. as “I like that you’re disappointed, John.” I will read it as you intend, such as, “I support you.” Or, “I am a fan of the Sunday Paper.” Or, “I think that raking situation sounds pretty good.” Or maybe you do take joy out of the fact that I don’t know how to handle disappointment, in which case I will be misinterpreting your intentions. Whatever. I’ll just be happy you read it.