In the summer of 2001 Kathy and I visited DC and got to be close to a number of buildings that became much harder to access just a month later. (We have a picture on the Capitol steps that is not from a flattering angle, so I went with this pic inst… — In the summer of 2001 Kathy and I visited DC and got to be close to a number of buildings that became much harder to access just a month later. (We have a picture on the Capitol steps that is not from a flattering angle, so I went with this pic instead.) This week’s access to this building was infuriating.

(Sunday Paper, Year VI, Issue 2)

I think you know I would rather keep things light in this space.

Sometimes, though, there’s a topic that’s too in the way in my brain and I can’t get the other words around it until I get it out.

This is one of those times.

If it’s too much for you, don’t read it.

But I have some thoughts about what happened this week that I need to put into words.

I’m not a good arguer. I boil over quickly and the speed of my thoughts and words don’t match the speed with which my temper grows. I do better after I stew and think about something and put it down in writing.

And I’ve been stewing for a couple of days.

I guess I should start by saying I don’t write this from a political point of view - just as a person. Someone who cares about other people and who cares about the country.

And I should also say that I’m disgusted…and I’m sad…and I’m worried…and I’m angry. I’ll get to all of that in a minute.

I am also not the most political person. For far too long I wasn’t any bit political.

(I’m not sure if it’s a fact middle school-aged students are more aware and more knowledgeable about what’s happening in the world now than ever before [it sure seems that way to me, though, and offers me hope for the future]…but they’re certainly more aware and knowledgeable than I was at that age.)

I still don’t consider myself in political terms - I have strong-ish opinions, I guess, but that ish lacks the conviction I see in so many political thinkers.

So I’m no expert in this department - but I do know right from wrong, and that’s what’s made the past four years so hard.

So much of it was wrong.

I can’t say I didn’t see what happened this week coming. If you were paying any attention you had an idea. I tend to be a wishful thinker, though. I know the worst exists…but I like to believe in the best. (I probably would not make a good politician in that sense. People would walk all over me. It’s also why sports losses tend to devastate me. I go in expecting the best, and then I’m inevitably disappointed.)

But even when I imagined the worst of what could go wrong….this was worse. And it’s all - when it comes to right and wrong - because of how wrong things have been the last four years.

It’s the selfishness that gets me. Everything boils down to selfishness. And it starts at the top - the PINO (president in name only, because that man is not what an American president should be) - does not care a whit about anyone but himself. Building a following of people looking for someone to voice their fears and their hatred who they can follow…just so he can feel powerful and have a following. If the wind shifted he would shift. But he seems to have found a pretty strong gust of wind.

The selfishness of the people who turned a blind eye to what’s been building to this week: Lawmakers. Religious groups. Businesses. Just to turn around now and start condemning it? I can’t stand the hypocrisy. So many of these people treated all of this like a game. And once the game took a bad enough turn they started to realize they might lose. That’s when they changed their tune. Because it’s about no one but them. It’s selfish. (And then there’s the ones who feel like they can still win the game - the ones who stood by their argument late Wednesday night. They are part of what worries me.)

Are any of these people going to face consequences, whether it’s the ones distancing or the ones participating? It’s a toss-up. I can’t stand the idea that nothing is done. Nothing has been done for four years…even longer when you consider it started with the campaign leading up to the 2016 election. (Longer, by some accounts.) The lack of consequences in all aspects here is another thing that scares me…it’s like these riots this week were just to test out what they could get away with so that a more violent and organized situation could follow.

It worries me that there’s an inauguration less than two weeks away…I’m sure I’m not the only one whose thoughts go to dark places thinking about how this escalates and gets worse.

There are so many upsetting aspects about what happened this week. One thing that sticks with me is seeing these people in the Capitol shouting “This is our house.” Again, selfish. And ignorant. What it should be is everyone’s house - but that’s not what these people believe.

And, to be honest, for the last four years, it hasn’t felt like the people’s house for everyone in America.

It’s been a house for a group of lawmakers who have manipulated the rules to get their way.

It has felt unfair because it didn’t represent the role I believe our government should play. It was often selfish. In many ways that selfishness was harmful…in some instances it was downright negligent.

Our governmental system is far from perfect…but when it is done correctly it is far better than the game that has been played for the past four years…and the even more extreme version of the game I believe these rioters this week are hoping to see.

I look forward to getting back to that less-than-perfect form of government we’re familiar with when Joe Biden and Kamala Harris take over. And I hope it becomes a more-perfect government…though I’m beginning to doubt this will ever become a ‘more perfect union.’

I’d like to see political problems again….rather than social problems and hatred and incompetence.

I just hope we’re not back in this place in four more years…though I think I’ve learned my lesson about wishful thinking.

Notes

*I know none of these views are particularly unique. And I know they’re probably not earth-shattering to anyone reading them. But it’s how I’m feeling and some of the thoughts swimming through my head the past few days and I needed to write them down. Maybe this post is more for me than for you.

*But if it is for you, I hope I captured how you’re feeling too. Sometimes it helps me to read something that voices the thoughts that are also in my head.

*I took a look back at a couple of the things I wrote four years ago at this time. I said I wanted to pay closer attention and know who the lawmakers are and what they were up to. And now I really long for the days when I couldn’t name almost all of the senators and many of the representatives.

*You know the rest of the drill - Twitter here, Facebook here - if you want to like, follow.

*I just wasn’t feeling light and fluffy this week. We’ll get back to the regular deal next week. Bummer of a way to start the new year.